This whole blog post could very well read like a complete contradiction – but you should try being in my head ha!
Sometimes I think I’m being real…other times I know that I am not, that I am faking it!
I was lying in bed last night, feeling pretty crap, pretty sorry for myself, pretty low! Thinking – this life thing is bloody tiring! Right now my life consists of hiding behind a mask! A mask where I never show how I really feel, what I’m really thinking, what I really want… There is only 1 person apart from me (and God) who knew what exactly what was going through my head last night! One person I was able to be raw with! I’m not gonna rip my mask off right now and broadcast it because actually there is a difference, I think, between being real with people and being raw with people…or is there?! do share…
But here’s my theory and musing on it…this is how I view realness and rawness in my life…
Realness is honesty
Rawness is vulnerability!
I can be real with people, most people…but I can’t be raw with just anyone! Real in a sense that I can be honest about the fact that I haven’t got life sorted, that I haven’t got my faith sorted, that I am not perfect, that I stumble, that I sin, that I fail…BUT…Rawness means relationship – I think! Rawness means investment! Rawness comes with time!
Realness – God calls us to be real, He wants us to be honest, to live to our true identity, our identity in Him!
He has blessed me with people that I can be real with – and he has blessed me with people I can be raw with – I think!
The thing is, theres no one hiding from God and the other thing is, God knows our heart! God knows I’m a doubting mess right now! God knows how I feel, He knows I’m fed up of pretending that everything is hunky dory when it just isn’t. I am clinging hard to his mercy and grace…clinging being the operative word! Right now, my plan (my!) isn’t working out…but I HAVE to trust that God is! I am needing to be reminded every single day by whoever happens to be blessed with the intuition and wisdom that I need to hear that God is at work, that He is in control and that He will never fail and never leave me!
So, the mask! Maybe the next time you see me…a little bit of the mask will be gone! Lets not get carried away – the whole thing won’t be gone!
Greensleeves
Greensleeves 